Strewth! It’s Masterchef Australia

The overdramatic music & cheesy voice over, presented by at least one Aussie chef & an eccentric Englishmen, who get way too fucking overexcited in a extremely blokey manner about dishes cooked by contestants all of whom weirdly always seem to be oh so very middle-class with personal backstories which are tediously boring as fuck & who also get way too excited & giddy in cringeworthy fangirl/fanboy fashion anytime there’s a guest appearance by a some supposed celebrity chef who’s names you don’t recognise & who you don’t really care about, no folks it’s not Masterchef, it’s Masterchef Australia.

Believe it or not, Masterchef Australia has been one of the most watched shows on network television down-under over the past decade, there was in fact a general election campaign being fought when the first season of Masterchef Australia was being aired on television & the televised debate between the leaders of the various political parties in Australia had to be rescheduled as it was going to clash with the season finale of Masterchef Australia, me thinks some Aussies really do have their priorities fucked up, oh & unlike the British version of Masterchef which is aired over period of about a month & half once or twice a week maybe 3 times in finals week, Masterchef Australia is aired every weeknight over a 3 month to 4 month period, the Aussies really seemed to have gotten an appetite for foodie snobby in a big way.

I know some might be scratching their head thinking when did Aussies get so into being foodie snobs, probably because they still think according to Monty Python everybody in Australia is called Bruce & are unsophisticated morons, it’s that or they reckon the difference between a pot of yoghurt & Australia is that yoghurt has culture. Though I’ve never visited Australia, I’d imagine it’s pretty much like any other westernised neoliberal capitalist society who’s middle-class are disappearing up its own pouncy foodie arsehole whilst the under-class/working-class struggle to put food on the table. I’d imagine there are an increasing number of people relying on the Australian equivalent to food banks otherwise they’ll starve, particularly as Australia like the UK have re-elected successive conservative governments over the past decade & we know conservative governments don’t give a shit about poor & vulnerable people starving & ending up destitute, but hey poor & vulnerable people living down under never mind that your struggling to put food on the table, here’s some daily televisual entertainment for 3 months of the year consisting of middle-class wankers with their heads stuffed well & truly up their own foodie arses competing to cook pouncy & pouncier food (the likes of which you’ll never get to eat) in the hope they’ll become an even more pouncier cheffy cunt.

Of course Masterchef Australia isn’t the only version of Masterchef around the globe, there’s Masterchef U.S which is presented by fucking Gordon fucking Ramsey who’s slightly less cuntish as a presenter in the way he treats people though this doesn’t mean he’s any less of gigantic cunt, there’s Masterchef Canada which like the U.S version is more of reality gameshow then cookery competition. There was even a version of Masterchef in my native South Africa though it only lasted for two or three seasons, this might of been because a majority of the contestants were middle-class White people whilst a great proportion of indigenous Black population live in abject fucking poverty, racial apartheid might have gone in South Africa but its left an economic apartheid divided along racial lines, where if you’re White you’ll still far more likely to be economically better off then many of the majority Black population.

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