Fuck The British Pub

The other night I was vegging out surfacing the BBC iPlayer looking for something interesting to watch & I came across The Hairy Bikers’ Pubs That Built Britain which remind me that every time my girlfriend comes over to stay she’s always suggesting going down the local pub & I always firmly say no thanks & here’s why…

I know many people have this romantically idealised vision of the British pub being some country establishment having patrons who are interesting eccentric characters & sell real ale produced by microbreweries etc, when the reality of the British pub is the local Wetherspoons on a Friday night jammed pack full of rowdy drunken bigoted gammon thugs getting wasted on chemically enthused pints of wife beater lager who’ll glass you if you dare glance at them & even if you don’t accidently lock glances with some drunken gammon thug then you could still find yourself bloodied from having a beer glass lodged in the side of your head whilst having a quiet pint (this actually has happened to a couple of people I know).

If you’re a socialist trans woman you quickly discover more than any other group of people your average British pub in any leafy provincial suburbanite area of this country is no bastion of acceptance & tolerance despite how much this country loves to smugly pat itself on the back about how tolerant it now is of the LGBTQ community. Every since the public smoking ban came into enforce, trans women don’t actually have to go into a pub to be subjected to a barrage of drunken transphobic abuse, because you’ve now have gammon with their arses parked outside the pub with beer & cigarettes drunkenly subjecting you to abuse as walk by minding your own fucking business, believe me I’ve been subjected to transphobic abuse from gammon bigots in freezing December rain as I walk past the local Wetherspoons. Sure there are LGBTQ friendly pubs in cities such as London & Brighton I might frequent when out with friends wanting to frequent those pubs, but whether or not pubs are LGBTQ friendly it’s the fact they all have yucky brownish décor which is the major reason as to why I absolutely detest the archetypical British pub.

your typical pub clientele

No matter where a pub is situated in Britain I guarantee its interior will be dimly lit with an overwhelming brownish décor with possibly dark green seat cushions & carpeting, I know people will say this is because it’s how pubs have been traditionally decorated, yes & it use to be traditional to burn witches at the stake but we no longer do so & thus why can’t we see pubs with décor which is far brighter with the windows actually letting in sunlight & don’t leave the staff working there with a Vitamin D deficiency, oh I forgot the dark brown & green decors in pubs help hide the beer stains & the puke stains & the piss & blood stains.

Back in the 1990s before I came out as a trans woman, I spent a lot of time in pubs, in fact I spent way too much time in pubs sinking to the bottle as means of not having to deal with being trans & so I know all about dealing with denial. You tend to find a lot of alcoholics in pubs particularly pubs selling beer at rock bottom prices such as Wetherspoons, yeah like turds attracting flies etc. It’s not the slurred speech or stumbling over themselves when they try to walk or bursting out into song or even the aggression & violence you get with alcoholics which annoys me the most about alcoholics, it’s that they’ll go on & on & on & on & on boring the shit out of you about how they’re not an alcoholic because they know some other guy who drinks far much more hard liquor then they do or they’re not an alcoholic because they can go without a drink for more then 5 minutes, blahdy bullshit blah. I use to smoke but I didn’t endlessly go on boring every fucker about fucking smoking, I just got on with feeding my addiction by lighting up another Marlboro, if alcoholics want to drink themselves to death they can fill their boots as much as they fucking want in doing so as far as I’m concerned & alternatively if they want to seek help to stop them from boozing then that help should be readily available to help them do so, but please stop boring all & sundry shitless about alcohol this & alcohol that & that you’re not an alcoholic because…

I read that pubs were closing down at the rate one every 12 hours during the second half of 2019, sadly the rate of pub closures has slowed as compared to previous years, yeah I’m not weepy at all that pub trade has been in serious decline over the past decade, okay I feel sorry for those losing their jobs as a consequence, but bigoted gammon & other assorted alcoholic lowlife will just find another pub to park their arses & taunt any civilised intelligent person who dared to wonder into that pub for a quiet drink.

I know some people will say in response to me writing this that I’ve just had the misfortune of having frequented some pretty shitty pubs & there are decent pubs in this country. Hey if anybody wants to take me to what they claim is a decent pub which is gammon free then give me a call, but I don’t believe there is any pub in Britain free from gammon bigots spouting bigoted misogynistic or racist or homophobic bullshit, I maintain every pub in this country has a barstool bigot loudmouth who reckons its okay to give women a slap & all immigrants should fuck off back from whence they came.

I know there will be some who’ll allege the reason I hate pubs is because I’m some kind of new age vegan teetotaller, when in fact I’m a meat-eating atheist who loves scrumpy cider. I know when you criticise the local pub in the earshot of some people, it’s like say what you want about the church & the monarchy but don’t dare ever say anything bad about the traditional British pub because these people still have romantic notions about the local pub still being a cornerstone of the local community, Jesus fucking wept what reality do these kind of people live in because the reality I live in is where just about every pub is a gammon infested hellholes.

I know some people will say I don’t like Wetherspoons because Tim Martin is a Brexiter & on that one you’d be absolutely right.

Is ‘The War On Christmas’ Only A Thing When There’s A Labour Government

I’ve noticed over the past month that my local town centre hasn’t seemed nearly as Christmassy with decorations etc as it did 15 or 20 years ago, which has me wondering if the supposed ‘war on Christmas’ is only a thing which the likes of the Daily Mail & far-right trolls rant about when there’s a liberally minded Labour government & not when there’s a hard-right Tory government? Labour were in government 15 or so years ago & my town centre along with no doubt many town centres were far more festively decorative then they have been over the past couple of years, I remember back then the local shopping mall would be decked out in holly & tinsel & fairy lights & whatever other Christmassy decorations come the day after Halloween, yet the Daily Mail & other Tory entities would endlessly bitch about there being a supposed ‘war on Christmas’ something of which I’ve not heard nearly as much about in recent years when the Tories have been in government.

There have been complaints about the Christmas tree in the centre of Trafalgar Square looking a bit ‘sparse’ & ‘anaemic’ regards its foliage, including from the vilest of vile hatemongering gobshite trolls Katie Hopkins who used ‘Britain’s most famous Christmas tree’ not looking the healthiest of Christmas trees which the Norwegians have sent us, to have an Islamophobic swipe at London Mayor Sadiq Khan. Of course Katie Hopkins will have you believe the reason why local councils haven’t gone as full hog as maybe they use to in regards to Christmassy decorations in towns centres & whatever else is because of the ‘Islamification’ of Britain, when in fact the real reason is due to Tory austerity meaning local councils being short of funds etc.

I bet in response to me writing all this I’ll have some gammon who thinks they’re a smartarse asking why the fuck should I care about Christmas decorations because aren’t I supposed to be Jewish, well I guess it’s unlikely any gammon would have heard the joke about the rabbi & the Hanukkah bush. As its goes I’m not an observant Jew, in fact I’m an atheist, this always confuses the fuck out of gammon not understanding that what qualifies you as a Jew isn’t eating kosher & regularly attending your local synagogue, but simply if your mother was a Jew then you are a Jew & it just so happens my mother was Jewish. Even if I was an observant Jew what’s wrong with liking Christmas décor, anyways what religious significance is there with the contemporary Christmas the vast majority of people celebrate? Saw no mention of trees decorated with tinsel & baubles & fairy lights in any bible verse I’ve ever read nor any mention of roast turkey & plum pudding, nor any mention that it was to be traditional to veg out half comatose on the living room sofa come 4pm on Christmas Day due over consumption, yeah you really seriously going to tell me Christmas has any religious significance to gammon?!?!

Christmas obviously does have significance for practicing Christians, who some of the more devout will whinge no matter what about there being a ‘war on Christmas’ which is code for them not being able to impose how they reckon people ought to be celebrating Christmas on all others. Far-right Tommy Robinson supporting gammon & Christian fundamentalists always love to claim this country is Christian nation & this is the only time Christmas does have any religious significance for gammon as it’s a means to be bigoted fucks towards Muslims, yeah well I got news for gammon that its Paganism which is the indigenous religion of the British Isles not Christianity & in fact much of what we now associate with Christmas comes from it originally being the Pagan festival of Yule.

Though the Tory press might not bleat on as much as about there being a ‘war on Christmas’ as they once did when there was a Labour government, ironically it’s due to the economic policies of the current Tory government which is preventing many people from enjoying Christmas in the manner they’d want to, it’s the Tories who are preventing people from getting a great deal enjoyment from Christmas, it’s in fact the Tories who are the enemy of Christmas not Labour.

More Like Racism & Worker Exploitation Then Strawberries & Cream When It Comes To Wimbledon

The tennis gets underway today at Wimbledon & well my first prediction is that Andy Murray won’t be winning the Men’s title at the All England Tennis Club this year & my second prediction is neither will any Black British tennis player be winning anything at the All England Club because well there doesn’t seem to be any British tennis players who are of Afro-Caribbean descent.

Plenty of British people of Afro-Caribbean descent have excelled in sports such as football, cricket, boxing, track & field, even when it’s come to Rugby Union which like tennis is considered somewhat of ‘middle-class’ sport in this country, but as with golf (a sport I personally detest!) we haven’t had many Black British people competing at tennis’s elite level as on Centre Court at Wimbledon, in fact I can’t recall of there ever being any Black British tennis players competing at Wimbledon period. The United States is a far more racist country then ours, yet when it comes to golf there’s obviously been Tiger Woods & with tennis there’s been the Williams sisters & prior to them there was Lori McNeil & Zina Garrison, so if a country such as the United States which has a far worse history when it comes to state sponsored racism & violent racial divisions can have Black people compete at an elite level in sports considered typically middle-class sports, why is it Britain can’t also produce Black British tennis players competing at an elite level?

Where do you find most top-quality premium tennis courts? The answer is at the local private members Country Club, the kind of establishment where your typical club member would likely call the police if they saw Black kids playing on the indoor tennis courts then encourage them to seriously take up the sport, sure there’s plenty of Country Clubs in the United States with the all the same middle-class racist bullshit that you get here, tennis is still very much a White middle-class man’s sport in the United States no matter how much John McEnroe tries to pretend he’s some kind of fiery Irish-American blue-collar working-class hero who gets mentioned by House Of Pain in songs of theirs, however there’s a key differences between the United States & here as to why they produce more Black tennis players, in the United States there are far more municipal tennis courts just as there municipal basketball courts in local neighbourhoods which is a major reason as to why the United States excels at Basketball, plus the United States has a whole athletic scholarship system with its universities though most commonly associated with American Football athletic scholarships do include other sports including tennis.

But it’s not just the racism keeping Black kids off tennis courts at the local country club thus preventing them from possibly excelling at the sport & one day appearing on Centre Court at Wimbledon which pisses me off, there’s also the issue of worker exploitation which pisses me off about the whole tennis establishment & in particular Wimbledon,

The ball-boys & ball-girls who chase around picking up balls for tennis players, getting them drinks at the change of ends & hold umbrellas over the players when on that rare occasion the sun comes out & beats down on the grass tennis courts in SW19, oh & who knows wipe the arses of tennis players if they need to take a bathroom break during the match, well they do get paid for waiting hand & foot on professional tennis players during matches at Wimbledon, but nothing comparable to the pay check any professional tennis player will receive for just showing up at the championships, some of these tennis players including Andy Murray are worth tens of millions of dollars or pounds, so even those quite a deal further down the tennis world rankings will have a couple of million in the bank, so me thinks they get paid enough as in far more then your average worker will get paid in their entire working life, they’re perfectly fucking capable of fetching their own fucking tennis balls & getting their own drinks at the change of ends, yeah fuck off to having some lacky getting paid a fucking pittance to wait hand & foot on their millionaire arses!

Andy Murray won’t be winning Wimbledon this year but he’ll be earning millions for wearing branded clothing

It’s not just having young kids getting paid a fucking pittance to fetch tennis balls for multi-millionaire tennis players, which won’t be the only worker exploitation which will be on display at Wimbledon over the next fortnight. Andy Murray back in 2014 signed a 4 year deal with sportswear manufacturer Under Armour worth a rumoured £15million & recently signed an £8million deal with sportswear manufacturer Castore despite it looking probable Murray will soon be retiring, okay nothing new in tennis players getting multi-million endorsements from sportwear manufacturers, I’m sure Rafael Nadal gets paid far more by Nike then Murray was paid by Under Armour, but whilst Nadal, Murray, Federer get paid millions upon millions by sportwear manufacturers to wear their garb, those who manufacturer sportswear garb for major brands such as Nike get paid shitty wages work in shitty sweatshop conditions in countries such as China or Indonesia, the kind of fuck awful conditions where if workers don’t stitch stuff correctly they have the shit beaten out of them before losing the job their entire family quite probably relies upon to survive. I’ll admit considering I’ve a massive collection of Chuck Taylor All Star High Tops which are manufactured by Converse who’s parent company is Nike, it might seem like I’m something of a hypocrite bitching about professional tennis players getting paid millions to wear sportswear made by workers who’s pay & conditions are truly fucking horrible, however I don’t get paid millions to wear Converse, they’re cheap & don’t look shite & you unfortunately can’t escape globalisation at the level of income I’m on.

Well I hope I’ve given you a few things to mull over regards the tennis at the All England Club before you settle down with the strawberries & cream & a glass of Pimm’s to watch Wimbledon.

Of course conservative motherfuckers will say I’m yet again knocking another British institution, hey I’m not wanting to take a wrecking ball to Wimbledon’s centre court or anything, I know I’ve something of reputation as something of an iconoclast, but here I’m just expressing what I see wrong & how it can be corrected, I’m sure millions of people get a great deal of enjoyment from watching Wimbledon including my own 96yr old grandma & I don’t want to take that away from them.